The Babysitter Conundrum
by TaiDollWave
Summary: Sheldon falls ill, and Leonard calls a babysitter. What happens when both the boys find themselves attracted to her?
1. Chapter 1

"Leonard. Leonard. Leonard." Sheldon pounded on his door, his voice nasally and miserable sounding. Leonard looked at his clock and sighed.

"What is it, Sheldon?" he sighed.

"I'b sick."

"Oh grand." Leonard groaned. "Just great." No one liked a sick Sheldon, especially his roommate.

"Go back to bed, Sheldon. It's only six o'clock."

"But I want sub hot chocolate." he sniffled.

"So go make some!" Leonard muttered, pulling his blanket up higher on his shoulders.

"But I'b SICK!" Sheldon repeated, sniffling extra pathetically.

"All right, all RIGHT." Leonard scrabbled for his glasses, putting his feet in his Leonardo slippers. "I will be right there. I just have to make one phone call."

"A phone call is bore ibportant than baking me some hot chocolate?"

"If it's a phone call that keeps me from killing you? Yes." the experimental physicist groaned. Sheldon shuffled off, presumably to find some Doctor Who or something on the television. Leonard reached for his cell phone and a slip of paper he had begun to keep in his wallet for emergencies like this, the way most men would keep a condom in their wallet.

This was going to make his day so much easier...

"But if I lay this way, I catch the draft!" Sheldon whined, his head against his pillow (but not the pillow he slept on, the pillow behind that one from his room) as he pulled his blanket (but not the blanket from his bed. The blanket that he kept folded up in a thin cardboard box under his bed).

"But when you lay the other way, you can't see the television." Leonard pointed out, trying to resist the urge to punch his roommate in the face or give him a little more than the recommended dose of NyQuil.

"So bove the television!" Sheldon rolled his eyes.

Just as the curly haired one was getting ready to argue that point, there was a knock on the door. Finally! He thought, going over to answer it.

"Tell them to go away." the theoretical physicist burrowed down farther into the couch. "I'b sick, rebeber?"

"How could I forget?" Leonard sighed, swinging the door open.

There in the doorway stood a girl who couldn't have been more than five foot three. She had shoulder length pitch black hair and milky pale skin. Her lips had been painted blood red, and when she smiled, he could see the pearly whiteness of her teeth. Her bright blue eyes were lined in black eyeliner what matched the eyeshadow she wore quite nicely.

But that wasn't really what was shocking about her. Instead, it was the knee length pleather boots, the torn fishnet stocking, the black leather miniskirt that hugged her hips that made Leonard stare. She was wearing a nondescript black hoodie, and a t-shirt that read 'Bite Me' in big red letters that dribbled like blood.

"Hi, I'm Amy." she smiled, reaching into her ears to pull out little black ear buds. Her eyes were pierced all the way up to the cartilage, with silver hoops and little black studs.

"Hi. A-Amy." he stammered, standing back to let her in. Whatever he had been expecting, this had not been it. And whatever name he had been expecting, Amy had not been in. Ursula, maybe. Or Lillith. Possibly Morticia. But not Amy.

"Where's the sick kid?" she asked as she stepped in, peeling off her hoodie to reveal miles of silver bangle bracelets and black studded wrist straps.

"Who is SHE?" Sheldon sputtered on the couch. "What is she doing here? Bake her go away, Leonard!"

"Found him." she smiled with a roll of her eyes.

"Sheldon, this is Amy." he made his voice as calm and reasonable as he could. "She's from the—respite service."

"You called a baby sitting serbice?" Sheldon coughed weakly. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I have to work and you have proven to us many times that you cannot be left here alone." Leonard sighed as Amy crossed her arms and watched with amusement.

"But she doesn't eben know Soft Kitty." Sheldon pouted.

"You can teach her. I bet Amy likes to sing, right?" he looked at her in desperation.

"Love it," Amy agreed. "Listen, why don't Sheldon and I get to know each other while you get dressed?"

"Okay." Leonard turned to shuffle towards his bedroom.

"By the way, Leonardo was always my favorite turtle. I love leaders." she called after him. Leonard glanced down at his slippers and blushed, closing the bedroom door behind him.

When he came out, Sheldon had his blanket up to his nose, warily eying the girl sitting in the chair, legs crossed at the knee, reading a book. He stared at the pair for a moment before heading to the kitchen to pour a travel cup of coffee.

"Sheldon is very particular." he began.

"I gathered that." she looked amused, marked her place in her book with her finger. "But I don't think he's anything I can't handle."

"Really? I mean, I've heard people say that before, and I want you to have the chance to back out of this..." it could save your sanity, he didn't add.

"I specialize in difficult adults."

"I ab NOT difficult!" Sheldon cried indignantly. Leonard threw him a look which quickly shut him up.

"My grandmother had Alzheimer's. There really isn't anything Sheldon can do that's going to phase me. Promise." Amy winked and opened her book back up.

"Well... All right then." Leonard scribbled a number on a Post-It and handed it to her. "This is my cell number in case you need anything."

"We'll be just fine." Amy said in a reassuring voice. Leonard grabbed his messenger bag, seeing Amy's on the floor next to it. Hers was black and decorated with pins with various sarcastic phrases, and scribbled all over in silver Sharpie.

"Bye then." he put his hand on the knob.

"Leonard! Leonard, WAIT!" Sheldon sat bolt upright on the couch. 'You're not really leabing be with her, are you?"

"I have to work."

"I-I thought you were kidding! I promise I'll be good! I won't bake a sound. Please Leonard, don't leabe be with her!"

"Amy's a professional, Sheldon. She'll take good care of you." Leonard waved and stepped outside, closing the door tight.

"Leonard! LEONAAAAAAARD!" his howl could be heard throughout the apartment.

"Whoa, what's wrong with Dr. Whackadoodle?" Penny asked as she stepped out of her apartment, smoothing her hair back from her face before she tied on her Cheesecake Factory apron.

"Oh, he's sick and I hired a babysitter. He doesn't like her." Leonard shrugged. Penny bust into laughter as they headed for the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Amy sat on the chair, nose buried in her book. Sheldon eyed her warily from his stock still position on the couch, blanket up over his nose. What was the purpose of a baby sitter? He was neither a baby, nor did he need to be sat on. Further more, baby sitter was a strange term. No one would sit on a baby. Unless that meant person who sits with baby, which also didn't really imply someone taking care of the baby.

And why would someone dress like that? She looked like she had crawled out of a grave. Maybe she HAD crawled from a grave! Sheldon squeaked as he pushed himself deeper into the couch cushions. Maybe she was a mind controlled zombie, and she was sent here by someone to take his brain.

People always wanted his brain.

"Aby?" he asked weakly.

"Yes darling?" she looked up from the book.

"Could I have sub herbal tea?"

"Uh-huh," she put the book down, and when her back was turned, Sheldon sat upright to read the title. Lover Enshrined. He glanced at the back. Oh, another vampire romance novel. Well, everyone knew that zombies and vampires didn't get along.

Although some believed that vampires could control zombies. They were their little lackeys or whatever. Engineers would make good zombies, Sheldon thought as Amy turned around.

"Want honey in it?"

"Yes," he pulled his legs up and settled the blanket in his lap. Amy handed him the mug. He waited to be ready to say it was too hot or too cold, but a sip told him it was the perfect temperature. And she had put in just the right amount of honey.

"My grandmother used to take it like that." she smiled, a longing look in her eye. "Learned to make the perfect cup of tea from her." she returned to the couch and picked her book back up.

"I'b terrible sorry for your hardship." Sheldon sipped the tea and congratulated himself on the proper response. Amy just smiled and nodded.

"It's okay. I don't miss her so bad anymore."

Well, zombies usually couldn't display human emotion the way that Amy could. So she might not be a zombie. Unless she was a particularly well crafted one. He cleared his throat and flicked on the television.

He flipped around until he landed on an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. With a grin, he sat back.

"Oh, goody. I was worried they had changed the schedule." Amy looked up from her book.

"You like this? Not the History Channel or the Discovery Channel or anything?"

"Just because I'b intelligent doesn't bean I don't like cartoons." Sheldon sniffed indignantly.

"Silly me," Amy rolled her eyes. "But why do you like this one?"

"Because Squidward is just like be." he blew his nose delicately into a Kleenex and tossed it into the trash can next to the couch. "He's all smart and bisunderstood and just wants to be left alone. But noooo, Spongebob and Patrick don't let that happen. My friends Raj and Howard are just like them."

"And who is Leonard like?" Amy asked, curling her legs up under herself.

"Bister Crabby, I suppose. Can I have lunch?"

"Sure," she stood up and smiled. "What do you want?"


	3. Chapter 3

Leonard checked his phone for what must have been the fiftieth time. It was lunch time down at the university. Raj was chewing on some potato chips and sipping a Coke, watching him with a curious expression. Howard dropped down next to them and wiggled his fingers.

"What do you look so antsy for? Got a hot date? What's she like? What's her name?" Howard prodded. Leonard scowled.

"I left Sheldon with a baby sitter. He's sick," he looked down at his tray.

"Why would you inflict that on someone!" Raj gasped. "I hope you're paying her well!"

"Baby sitter?" Howard's beady eyes gleamed. "Baby sitter's are usually pretty attractive. But hey, what are you worried about if she hasn't called you yet?"

"Because she hasn't called me yet. I wasn't anticipating that she would actually be able to last the morning with him. I was sure she'd call by now. I thought I'd be lucky to get some paperwork done." he checked his phone again.

"Maybe I should go check on them."

"What's the worst that Sheldon could do? He's sick!" Raj scoffed. They all paused then and looked at one another fearfully.

"Just how many weapons do you think he has in the apartment?" Howard asked, suddenly uneasy.

"More than I can count on two hands." the curly haired one stood. "Let's go!" they pitched their half eaten meal to hurry to his car and speed back to the apartment.

"You didn't tell me you hired Elvira!" Howard hissed as they opened the door. To their shock, the apartment was peaceful, and in one piece. Sheldon was sleeping on the couch, his blanket pulled up around his chin.

Amy was kneeling in front of the television, a note pad in her lap, a black and white episode of The Twilight Zone playing in front of her. Leonard quietly stepped in, not wanting to startle her. He set down his keys loudly enough for her to hear.

Amy looked up and blinked.

"You're home early. Is anything the matter?" she asked in a hushed voice. He shook his head, staring at Sheldon. Amy scrambled up went to shake his shoulder.  
"Hey, Shelly-Bean." she whispered. He cracked his eyes open. "Leonard's home, so I think I'm going to go ahead and leave."

"You don't habe to!" his bloodshot eyes looked for his roommate. "Does she, Leonard?"

"No, she doesn't have to. But go and lay in your room, Sheldon." his roommate gathered his pillow and blanket without fuss. He padded to his room, an exhausted look zombie.

"Thanks so much, I'll pay you for the whole day." Leonard flipped on the lights. Amy blinked and grinned.

"It was no problem. He's not so bad once you get used to him."

"You can finish your episode. What are you watching it for anyway?"

"Oh, just my psychology class." she shrugged. "I can finish at home. Hope you don't mind me using the DVD player."

"No no! Not at all." he helped her eject the disk and put it in the case. "Oh, these are my friends-." he gestured to the two men huddled in the doorway.

"Howard Wolowitz," he stepped in with an oily smile. "And might I say that I like my women-."

"You might say." Amy interrupted. "And I might kick your teeth in. Finish your sentence and we'll find out!" she beamed. He chuckled weakly and stepped to the side.

"Hi, I'm Amy!" she said to Raj who just smiled and looked at Leonard.

"Oh, this is Raj, he doesn't talk to women. But he understands just fine." his friend supplied. Amy nodded and him, a gesture which the mute man returned. They spent a few moments nodding to one another before she stepped away.

"Okay, so..." she looked around. "I guess I better be on my way." she held out her hand for the money. "I had a good time. Feel free to ask for me at the agency."

"Sure, thanks so much." he held the door open for her, helped her hike her bag onto her shoulder. All three men watched her exit the apartment.

"Is she a demon?" Raj asked, in a voice of awe.

"Nope," Leonard sighed. "Just a miracle worker."


	4. Chapter 4

"How ya doin' this morning?" Leonard called through the door. He heard a loud sniffle followed by a sneeze.

"Dot good," Sheldon called. "Are you going to work?"

"'Fraid so buddy. But I can call Amy again, if you want?"

"Aby!" he sat up. "Yes! Call Aby! She bakes tea perfect add sings Soft Kitty."

"Right," Leonard shook his head as he dialed the phone. "Yes, can I request a sitter? Great. Amy. The girl we had yesterday. Yes, that's right. She'll know. And tell her she's free to bring her Twilight Zone DVDs and finish her project."

He hung up, satisfied that something would go right with Sheldon being sick, at least. He opened the door at her knock, smiled her her wide legged pants dripping with straps and zippers. Today she was wearing a black tank top with a fishnet hooded shirt pulled over it. Her eyes were outlined in black again, but her lips were smeared bloody red.

"Is he still not feeling good?"

"I guess not. Can you keep him from exploding the town while maintaining your sanity?" she giggled and he felt butterflies rising up in his stomach. _Whoa,_ he thought for a minute. _What's this? How can I feel like this? She isn't Penny! She's a baby sitter! _

"I'll give it my best. Did you get any breakfast? I can whip you something up while I make him some oatmeal." she offered. It was on the tip of his tongue to refuse when he rethought it. What was wrong with having her make him something to eat.

"That'd be great, Amy, thanks." he sank down at the couch to watch her begin to assemble bowls and ingredients. Had she been poking around the kitchen? Well, maybe Sheldon had wanted something obscure and she'd had to hunt for it yesterday.

"No, I didn't snoop." she crinkled her nose at him. "Most kitchens are put together the same. I can take rough guesses at where stuff is."

"Oh," he blushed. "Did I say it out loud?"

"No, you were just looking at me funny. I'm not offended." she licked some batter off her finger. He looked at her fingers, short and delicate looking, with chipped black nail polish. What would it taste like to lick batter of them?

"Oh, good. That you're not offended, not that I was looking at you funny. I mean, I wasn't trying to look at you funny, it just happened. I bet that happens to you a lot, huh?" he stopped and could have smacked himself in the face. _Smooth move!_ He thought. _She's going to love you forever now. Why don't _

_you also kick her cat?_

"Sometimes. But only from people who are definitely not awesome enough to rock blue hair." she flipped her hair back. "Or people awesome enough to rock awesome clothes." she looked him up and down. "You wouldn't know what that's like."

"Ouch," he gave a good natured smile. "I can see when I've been had."

"But you can't! You've been had by someone telling you that you need a hoodie AND that jacket. You've been had by the Nerd Industry telling you that you have to look all obviously dorky. I'll let you in on a secret, you can be a closet dork! No one has to be able to tell when they walk by you that you have a five foot stack of Batman comics in your room."

"It's six feet, actually," he mumbled. There was no reason to completely ruin his dork cred. She just put her face in her hands and shook her head. With a smirk, she turned to the stove and began cooking the pancakes.

"Maybe it's good to be a dork on the outside though. I mean, besides giving the world warning that they'd better know the difference between Golden and Silver age Batman." he blushed. "I don't hide who I am on the outside. Why should you?" she handed him a plate just as Sheldon stumbled out, wrapped in a blanket.

"Aby," he whined. "I don't feel good."

"Yes, Shelly-Bean, I heard." she said sympathetically. She beckoned to him and he bent over. She put the back of her hand to his forehead, miles of bracelets giving a metallic clink. "You are warm. Go and lay in bed and I'll serve you oatmeal. Special just for you."

He smiled and walked past Leonard, who waved. He managed a wave back and closed the door to his room.

"How do you handle him so well?" he marveled.

"My grandma, mostly. Before she died she had Alzheimer's pretty bad. I mean, at the end she didn't even know who I was. She had these brief moments of lucidity, and I'd be in the middle of laying her in bed and she'd tell me how much she hated doing this to me. I learned to be patient."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Oh, don't be." she flapped a wrist. "If I wasn't patient you would have come home to a dead roommate and and awful lot of blood. And I checked, you don't have enough Lysol for me to properly disinfect the place. You would have gotten his cold."

He stared at her before she laughed again. He gave an anxious laugh and turned uncertainly back to his breakfast. When the plate was empty he put it in the sink and looked at her awkwardly. Part of him wanted to give her a thank you hug for some reason.

But that wouldn't be appropriate in the slightest. She was a professional and so was he. Just now she was elbow deep in soapy water while the water for the oatmeal was brought to a boil.

"Thanks for breakfast. And the baby sitting. Well, he's not a baby. I guess you already knew that." he shifted his weight as she blew a palmful of foam at him.

"Get to work before you're late."

"Yes ma'am," he said sheepishly.

Though he did like his women on the more dominant side.


End file.
